I have begun to write the monologues. This is the crucial part. I must write right. I must be able to convey the right tone and not be too liberal with hitting the audience on the head with *THIS IS A SHOW ABOUT WOMEN AND BODY IMAGE LOOK HOW WRONG IT IS TO BE JUDGED.* It needs to be far more subtle and accessible to anyone who comes to watch. So far I have written three versions of a monologue for the second character. Currently I am favouring the second version as I believe that to be the funniest. That is what the second section needs to be.
Version 1
Intro music: Gold Dust, DJ Fresh.
Ok everybody are we ready to exercise? I can’t hear you. You gotta want it. You’ve got to own it. Are you ready to exercise? It’s gonna be a lot of work, sweat and pain, and nothing but lettuce leaves for you hearty girls… but are you ready? You may only be a size 8 but when you look in the mirror see Kerry Katona pregnant with all her children all at once… Kate are you listening?
-Yeah
Iam here to help. Ok now we’ve warmed up, you need to pick yourselves a power song. It could be the song you always listen to before you go on stage, because it gets you pumped.
(Music: I Can, Blue)
It could be a song that makes you feel like a pop star and at the age of 21 you still sing into your hairbrush before going to Superbull on a friday night.
(Music: Heartbreaker, Pat Benetar)
It could be the song you lost your virginity to when you were 17 in the back of a Fiat Punto Sport Series…
(Music: Bounce, Calvin Harris)
It could be the best song ever created by the most beautiful and inspirational woman in the world.
(Music: Wuthering Heights, Kate Bush)
Kate I thought I told no Kate Bush. Her screeching does not burn off calories. Why don’t you listen to the song you always work out to. You know the one where you imagine yourself in a music video…
(Music: On a Mission, Gabriella Cilmi)
Version 2
Hi honey, Im home. Did you miss me? I missed you… I haven’t stopped thinking about you… you know… I’ve had a really busy day and I haven’t even broken a sweat… I was saving it all for you. Yeah I got some new pants… I got them just for you… they’re black… stretchy…waterproof… 100% Viscose. Do you wanna feel them? Yeah? Ooo does that feel good? Imagine how they would feel if I straddled you… Oh yeah that good… Let me just get some protection (Puts on fitness gloves) Are you ready baby?… Ooo I love it when you talk healthy to me… Lets go.
(Music: Physical, Olivia Newton John)
Is that it? Are we done already? Wow that was fast. No no no honey it was fantastic… I fancied a quickie anyway. Look I’m going to hit the shower, ok? I’ll see you later… I’m so glad to have you in my life.
(DOMINOES SKETCH – which consists of eating a dominoes in a very sexual manner)
Wait!! Look its not what you think… I can explain… It didn’t mean anything… I’m sorry please take me back… make me feel good again!!!
Version 3
Hi I’m home, nice to see you too. Yeah new pants, don’t worry I’m not seeing Gym again… they’re just comfy you know. Nothing, its nothing, just something from Dom. What’s that supposed to mean. Just stop, there is nothing going on. Really?! I see him what once, twice a week. I wouldn’t call that excessive. How dare you, I tried to make us work ok. You were the one who wanted me to change… guess it didn’t work. Look I can’t deny we’ve had some good times together. I mean I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel as good as you have. But it’s becoming too difficult. I think we should start seeing other people. I don’t want to give up on us either but we hardly see each other anymore. I mean when was the last time we did it… Look all I’m saying is maybe we should start thinking about it ok? Ok I’m going to make some food…
(DOMINOES SKETCH)
Oh my God… I’m pregnant. Dom, its you. Your the father. I’m sorry this isn’t right. I feel sick. I thought this would make me feel good but I just feel ashamed. I knew I shouldn’t have given up on him. I’m sorry but this was a terrible mistake and will never happen again.
Hi… yes, I’ve done it again… I need your help please. Please help me get rid of it. No It’s not McDonald this time. I Lied it was Dom. Please give me another chance. I will never give up on us again. Please make me feel good.